Twenty Dreams Deferred
by buduica
Summary: Shizune wasn't just Tsunade's loyal helper; she was a person in her own right. The story of Shizune's life, told by the dreams she had.


**Twenty Dreams Deferred: The Story of Shizune  
**

_By aishuu_

* * *

1 – Although she never admitted it (except that one time, when she'd tried to match Tsunade-sama drink for drink), Shizune's first dream wasn't to become a kunoichi. She dreamed of marrying a handsome man and having beautiful children, and growing older and richer with her family.

2 – That dream couldn't last, not while Konoha was at war. Shizune was too young to be sent to the front lines, but her mother was a nurse at the hospital, and her hands were of use there. She scrubbed and cleaned, running errands for whatever the staff needed. Her second dream was for a peaceful world, where she would forget how desperate the doctors looked as they watched, helpless, as their patients bled out.

3 – While working at the hospital, she met Senju Tsunade, the famed female Sannin. The woman was everything Shizune ever wanted to be: strong and beautiful, capable and powerful. So Shizune started to dream of being a kunoichi _just like Tsunade-sama._

4 – Her admiration of Tsunade-sama didn't last, either. Shizune's favorite relative was her Dan-jiisan, and Shizune had always _known_ she's marry him when she was older. Finding out that Tsunade-sama was planning on marrying him made her furious, and she swore that she wouldn't settle for being _like_ Tsunade-sama; she was going to be _better_.

5 – And then Dan-jiisan died. Shizune dreamed that she would wake up to find out that this was all a nightmare.

6 – But Shizune was, at heart, a practical person and couldn't live in fantasy for too long. So she went back to the hospital and returned to her tasks, waiting for the war to end. It had to end, didn't it?

7 – When the peace treaty was signed, Namikaze Minato was named as Yondaime. Shizune remembered watching the crowds cheer for the new leader of Konoha, and made a promise to herself that she would work hard so she could be named Godaime. She didn't know that every single pre-Genin (and most Genins) were making similar vows to themselves.

8 – That dream crashed quickly as the Academy restarted and Shizune was dissuaded. She had good skills, and would make a fine medicnin, but she didn't have the power that made enemies fear her. So Shizune modified the promise, vowing that she would be the best medicnin ever.

9 – She quickly learned everything she was going to through the Academy, and needed advanced instruction. Her father had been killed before she could walk, and her mother was just a civilian, so Shizune decided to cash in on her connection to Tsunade-sama to beg for some extra training. To her shock, she found not the proud kunoichi of her memories, but the shattered remains of a woman who hadn't been able to let go. Living in Konoha was killing Tsunade-sama; Shizune decided that she was going to save the female Sannin.

10 – If traveling with Tsunade-sama was supposed to somehow make the older woman better, Shizune's dream was quickly dashed. Instead, Shizune quickly learned everything there was to know about gambling, with a particular emphasis on how many different ways there were to lose. So instead of finding a way to restore Tsunade-sama to what she had been, Shizune was determined to protect Tsunade-sama from herself.

11 – Every now and then, one of Shizune's dreams did come true. While wandering through a small village on the edge of Fire Country, she caught sight of a small pig in a tiny cage in a market. Something about the carriage of the animal, though it was obviously was intended to grace someone's table soon, indicated it hadn't resigned itself to that fate. Shizune stopped and stared at it for a while, wishing there was something she could do to help it, but resigned to the fact that she couldn't. To her shock, Tsunade-sama showed up the next day, carrying the pig in a basket. Shoving the small porcine into Shizune's hands, she announced that Shizune needed a pet so she would spend less time nagging Tsunade-sama herself.

12 – Those occasional sparks of kindness reminded Shizune why she kept by Tsunade-sama's side. A couple of times she was tempted to toss the towel in and return to Konoha, especially when Tsunade-sama was at her worst. And she was at her worst when Jiraiya-sama arrived to offer Tsunade-sama the position of Hokage. While she knew her mentor had the skills for the position, she also recognized Tsunade-sama's heart no longer desired to protect Konoha. But when Tsunade-sama made the challenge to the Kyuubi-brat, a part of Shizune hoped her mentor's usual bad luck would hold true, even though the idea of a Gennin defeating a Sannin was ridiculous.

13 - After the battle with Orochimaru and Kabuto, Shizune was unsure what to think. The fact that Naruto-kun had somehow reawakened the great kunoichi within Tsunade-sama made her both thrilled and envious. Thrilled, because that was what she had always wanted for her mentor; envious, because she hadn't been able to do it herself. But she had dreamed of Tsunade-sama becoming well again for so long that she could not remain jealous of the blond-haired boy. Instead, she reserved her envy for Kabuto, the teenager who'd been strong enough to fight at Orochimaru's side in a Kage-level battle. Shizune vowed that if they ever met again, she would be able to match him, jutsu for jutsu, blow for blow. For the first time in her life, Shizune dreamed the dream of a rival.

14 – Konoha had changed in the years since Tsunade-sama's departure, but Shizune only saw the similarities. The Hokage Mountain still overlooked the village, sinister and reassuring at the same time. As the construction of Tsunade-sama's face began, Shizune felt the satisfaction of helping make someone's dream come true.

15 – But peace was a transitory thing, and she was soon plagued by new dreams. Something about Kabuto had attracted her attention, and she would wake up in the middle of the night, her sheets soaked in sweat. Shizune's memory of those dreams was fragmentary, and she couldn't recall if she'd been fighting or fucking Kabuto (most likely both). She didn't want to examine the cause of her discontent, so instead prescribed herself several pills to insure dreamless nights.

16 – The return to Konoha brought changes, including the inclusion of a new apprentice. While she liked Haruno Sakura, Shizune recognized that the girl's potential far outstripped her own. Someday, Sakura would surpass her as Tsunade-sama's primary disciple. Shizune hoped it wasn't too selfish of her to dream that day would be far off.

17 – Naruto-kun's return seemed to trigger the beginning of something life-changing. Shizune had fallen into a pleasant routine after Tsunade-sama became Godaime, but that routine was shaken by the appearance of Akatsuki on the horizon. Shizune redoubled her efforts to support Tsunade-sama, knowing that her mentor would not be content until Naruto-kun was named Rokudaime.

18 – When Jiraiya-sama was murdered by Pain, Shizune did everything she could to ensure her mentor wouldn't follow him into the dark. Although Tsunade-sama never admitted it, Shizune knew that Jiraiya-sama, and not her Dan-jiisan, had been the true love of Tsunade-sama's life. Perhaps she should have been envious on her uncle's behalf, but Shizune didn't see the point in trying to quantify love. It didn't change the fact that both men were dead.

19 - When people defined loyalty by different standards, everyone who knew her story agreed Shizune's loyalty to Tsunade-sama was beyond peer. When Pain arrived, Shizune fought to discover the secret of the godlike shinobi, determined to help Tsunade-sama protect the village. She didn't do it because she loved Konoha, but because Tsunade-sama needed her to. For Tsunade-sama's sake, she would sacrifice everything. She just wanted Tsunade to be happy again.

20 - But as Shizune shut her eyes for the final time, she idly wondered what her children would have looked like.


End file.
